Divorce: Forgiveness Doesn’t Require Reconciliation

By: Joni Boyd

The church’s view on divorce often leaves little room for the complexities of individual circumstances.

“Divorce is not what God’s plan is for marriage,” said Rev. Dr Michael Jensen, pastor at St Marks Anglican Church, Darling Point said.

And even though divorce is becoming more common, especially for those over 40, divorce can lead to a lot of shame.

The church must find a way to navigate these issues with empathy, understanding, and a sense of inclusivity. 

“There are important and good reasons for a marriage to end,” Dr Michael said.

Nevertheless, this can be difficult to reconcile with traditional beliefs.

Unfortunately, forgiveness within the church is far from straightforward. 

“We need to be more grown up and nuanced” Dr Michael says of forgiveness and explains that it’s not about simply letting go of the past, but about acknowledging the deep and sometimes painful process of personal healing.

“Forgiveness doesn’t always mean letting the perpetrator do it again,” he said, challenging the common misconception that reconciliation means tolerating harmful behaviour.

As we all know, second marriages can come with their own set of challenges, with second marriages having a 60% divorce rate compared to first marriages at 30%. 

Healing, self-reflection, and setting realistic expectations are key to making second marriages work.